Most of us are involved in some form of business acquisition for our respective companies. We all know that winning business often requires a significant investment in time, resources and energy, and that the thrill of the chase is an exciting one.
It is a shame that, having worked so hard to win new business in the first place, we then become complacent and allow our enthusiasm to diminish -- just when the customer  's enthusiasm for our products or services would hopefully be increasing.
Unfortunately, customer care is still regarded by many as a costly activity or a burden on resources. Some organizations have already recognized the importance of customer care, and a few are very advanced in its practice. But often it seems that companies just don't care enough about their customers after the sale has been made.
If your company seems to be determined to lose its customers, here are 10 tongue-in-cheek tips that will most certainly help speed the process.
1. Pass the customer around.
Whatever you do, make it virtually impossible for the customer to get what they want when they call you. Voice jail is great. Callers love that. Or, if you have a live person answering the phone, be sure to make your callers repeat themselves to multiple people. Add that extra bit of oomph by accidentally cutting off the call when you make a transfer.
2. Buy a system, and then fit your strategy around it.
Find a complicated system that your own people cannot understand or utilize, so there's no possible way they can use it to improve customer relations. Feel good that you've purchased the best possible system, and just hope your staffers appreciate the investment.
3. Rely on completely automated phone technology.
Forget the people and buy the best automated technology, then put it in front of your customer service operation. It's best to make it really difficult for customers so that they get confused. If they fail to select an option, route them to a really poor-quality answering machine. Why spend a minute of staff time with callers who don't even know which option to choose?
4. Forget about training.
Just do what so many companies do today and put staff on the telephone without an iota of training. Better still, make sure they can't be easily understood and are good at arguing with customers. If customers know they won't get satisfactory service when they call, maybe they just won't bother wasting your time. (continued...)
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